So I don't have a title for this song either... I think I have commitment issues and naming a song is too much for me. Who knows? Well, this is another depressing song. I seem to be writing a lot of them lately, and I apologize for that. Nobody wants to listen to someone whine all the time. Maybe I'll work on writing something a bit happier... I'm just so uninspired lately. Anyways, I don't know how the lyrics will read for you guys. I played with a lot of different rhythms in this song, so the lyrics don't exactly flow conventionally. So *drumroll* here it is!


Untitled Song # 80 Billion

Now you're broken
And you're hoping
That one day you'll be okay

But you're not worth it
You don't deserve it
You're not good enough to be happy

While they're all out living life
She's stuck alone inside of her head
No emotion left to scream
Dwelling on her broken dreams
And lost innocence

Then you realize
That your life
Has become a sad cliche

And you know it
Will keep growing
You didn't used to be this way

While they're all out living life
She's stuck alone inside of her head
No emotion left to scream
Dwelling on her broken dreams
And lost innocence

And then the apathy sets in

And she says
I swear to God if I could,
I would wake up before 4 at night
I'd do something productive with my life

But I can't
I just can't
I'm not capable of that much

And she prays
For the strength
To be whole

Cuz I'm not the person that I used to be
I'm a shell,
But not the kind you find by the sea
I'm less interesting

And she goes to bed alone
And she hopes that He'll be home
To help her feel alright
Or just to feel anything at all

I'll Maybe Come Up With a Clever Title Someday...

I have some new lyrics for you guys; I can't decide if I like them or totally hate them. I love the melody, but I'm still working on what I want to do with instrumentals, if I want to add on to the lyrics... if I want to keep it short. I just don't know. But basically, this song will eventally be a sort of thank you to life for giving me the crap that's just made me stronger. It's been a hard year; the words are probably stupid and corny, but they're honest. Well, yeah... :)


I am alive
And I am whole
I've been rebaptized
Into someone loveable

I'm not afraid
And I'm not sad
There is no blue-eyed innocence
She's gone, she's dead

I could've never imagined the pain you caused
My broken heart, my broken trust
But you made me stronger
I grew up
And I'm happy now

I'm someone new
I am not me
My cheeks are wet
Now that I'm not afraid to feel

You left these wounds
But now they're scars
They're proof that I've lived and I've loved
And that I can carry on

I could've never imagined the pain you caused
My broken heart my broken trust
But you made me stronger
I grew up
And I'm happy now
I'm happy now



It's short... I may add on. I just don't know, but I felt like I wanted to post what I have.

Bright Eyes: A Soundtrack to a Successful Life

So I decided that since I have nothing exciting going on in my life as of recent, I would share with you some musical aspects of Alora's life. I'm going to write about music that has changed my life and why I love it, and why you should follow my example and love it too. :) Maybe nobody cares about my music recommendations, but I love hearing myself talk (er, watching myself type?) so I don't care! It's really been the rainiest, gloomiest, most depressing day today. Really, I almost cried when I saw a spider on my floor turned on its back and unable to turn back over. (Of course, this was an observation made from on top of my bed, as far as possible from it) Nevertheless, I was sad for a spider... A SPIDER!! After coming to the conclusion that it truly was a gloomy day (and playing the most depressing songs I know on the piano), I decided to turn on my go-to "Sad Days" playlist. However, I skipped straight through most of it till I got to my chunk of Bright Eyes tracks. That's my subject for today: Bright Eyes. If you have not listened to them, I highly recommend you do that very soon. Bright Eyes is a must for a successful life. But before you go any further or jump on the Bright Eyes train as you're reading this, I'm warning you that you have to be in the right mood to experience the epicosity of this band for the first time, otherwise you'll probably just throw up and think it's the worst thing known to man. The band is fronted by an incredible incredible man named Conor Oberst. He founded the band in the mid nineties, and recently put out an album in March of this year. (One Jug of Wine, Two Vessels) Their sound is definitely classified as Indie...it's definitely very unique and marked by lots of mellow guitar and Conor's piercing, emotional voice. This voice... this amazing voice is the reason why most people turn away from such a great musical listening experience. I will just be blunt: Conor Oberst does not have the voice of a god... in the traditional sense. It's not his singing ability that captures the heart of a Bright Eyes fan, it's his ability to portray emotion so strongly with his singing that does. This, along with his ability to spit out this awe-striking poetry in every song, is what has won my heart, and continues to do so with every listen. Basically, in my opinon, if you want to feel any sort of emotion, listen to Bright Eyes - happy, sad, angry, it doesn't matter, there's a song that will say it perfectly. Some of my favorites:

"But now we speak with ruined tongues, and the words we speak aren't meant for anyone; it's just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance, but there was once you. You said you hate my suffering and you understood, and you'd take care of me. You'd always be there... but where are you now?" -Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh

"Yours is the first face that I saw, I swear I was blind before I met you. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been, but I know where I want to go.... You said "This is the first day of my life. I'm so glad I didn't die before I met you, but now I don't care. I could go anywhere with you and probably be happy." -First Day of My Life

"But once you knew a girl and you named her lover, danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer. Autumn came, she disappeared. You can't remember where she said she was going to, but you know that she is gone, 'cause she left you a song that you don't want to sing. Singing 'I believe that lovers should be chained together, thrown into a fire with their songs and letters, left there to burn, left there to burn in their arrogance.'" -Perfect Sonnet


These are just a very few examples of some of the amazing lyrics of Conor Oberst. I just.... you have to listen to them if you're unfortunate and haven't. And if you have, I'm pretty sure you agree. I've never heard a song by them I've hated, but I do have my favorites:

Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh
First Day of My Life
Perfect Sonnet
Bowl of Oranges
Lover I Don't Have to Love
It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends
You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
At the Bottom of Everything
Something Vague
Gold Mine Gutted


So... yep! Comment down below. Listen to Bright Eyes, love it, listen again and again. :)

Don't Get on the Bus

Okay, so before you totally think I'm on drugs, let me explain the story behind this song to you. I was at a concert, and the band we were watching was pretty good... until the girl started to sing "You're so dangerous", which was a good half of the song. Except, I thought she was saying "Don't get on the bus", so I was like WTF is this girl doing? I turned to my friends Braden and Sorine and was like "Is she kidding?!?! Don't get on the bus?", and they explained as best as they could while laughing their heads off that I had heard wrong. On our way home, we all decided it would be the best thing ever if we wrote a song that said "Don't get on the bus" a lot of times, and here it is. Braden and I are contemplating using a synth in this song, and possibly adding a clapping bridge. Also, Sorine's sister, Whitney, wanted to get in on the action, so I put her name in the second verse. Hahaha we're very cool, I know.

Don't Get on the Bus

I'm running away
From this second-rate town
I've got my bags packed,
I'm finally moving out

But an old man stops me
And says
"I have some words of advice
They'll change your life
They'll change your life."

Don't get on the bus
Public transport is not a place for us
We want finer things
Like taxicabs and planes and cars
To help us get to near or far
No matter who you think you are
Just turn around
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus

Don't get on the bus

So I roll my eyes
And move on through the crowd
"What a crackhead"
I think to myself

But then Whitney stops me
And says
"I have some words of advice
They'll change your life
They'll change your life"

Don't get on the bus
Public transport is not a place for us
We want finer things
Like taxicabs and planes and cars
To help us get to near or far
No matter who you think you are
Just turn around
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus
Don't get on the bus

Don't get on the bus


Why can't I get on the bus?
It doesn't look too dangerous
Why can't I get on the bus?
Why?

Why can't I get on the bus?
It doesn't look too dangerous
Why can't I get on the bus?
WHY?!?!?!


(insert possible clapping bridge)

I got on the bus and I died.

Sinking Into You

So, after a very long dry spell of failing songwriting attempts, this song sort of magically came to me and clicked; the lyrics, the music, everything. C'est un miracle! It still may be a failed attempt, but who knows? You guys know better than I do if this sucks or not, so tell me! As always, constructive criticism is encouraged. So enjoy. :)

Sinking Into You

It's been a year
But sometimes
I still look back
On everything
And I can't help
But smile to myself
And miss
What we used to be

When we danced
All alone
And we kissed
All alone
Then you left me
All alone
And I'm remembering
All alone

So I wash my hair
And close my eyes
And just try not to
Drown in the tide
Of your ocean
Of your voice
Of your smell
Of your old songs

Do you remember
When you kissed me
By that old tree
In my front yard?
Now the fall leaves
Serve as constant reminders
Of the fact that you're gone

And when we talked
All alone
And when we cried
All alone
Those times I felt
All alone
And how I've missed you
All alone

So I wash my hair
And close my eyes
And just try not to
Drown in the tide
Of your ocean
Of your voice
Of your smell
Of your old songs

I'm floating away
On this pool of reminiscence
I'm drowning beneath
This sea of regret
Even now
I can smell the salt on your skin
I'm sinking deeper
Into you
Into you

So I wash my hair
And close my eyes
And just try not to
Drown in the tide
Of your ocean
Of your voice
Of your smell
Of your old songs

So I wash my hair
And close my eyes
And just try not to
Drown in the tide
Of your ocean
Of your voice
Of your smell
Of your old songs

The end! :D Post your comments below, please and thank you, lovely friends!

My Life As a Mormon

As a member of the LDS church with many non-LDS friends and acquaintances, I've definitely been told more than once what it's like to be a Mormon. I've been told what I believe, I've been informed of how I should act, and I've faced a lot of misunderstandings. Seeing as this is my blog, I thought I'd tell you in my own words what Mormonism means to me, seeing as the rest of the world feels they have a right to explain it to me. I'm not meaning to come off as rude or judgemental, but I feel like, especially since this is Utah, people have these pre-concieved notions of what a Mormon is, and a lot of times I feel they are misguided. I'm just getting my point of view out there.

So, to break through the first stereotype, I am a Mormon because I CHOOSE to be. The Church won't kill me if I sin, they won't damn me to hell if I don't go to church... the LDS church isn't one of retribution or of force. It's not a cult, contrary to popular belief. I'm not a member of the Church because it's my parents' religion, or because it's Utah and that's how I was raised. I'm a member of the LDS Church because I believe it's teachings to be true. Just like a vegetarian believes eating animals is wrong. Just like political party members believe in the ideals their party stands for. Those people choose to put themselves into groups with people who share similar takes on life, and I am doing the same by being a member of this church. I think, especially in Utah where Mormonism is so prevalent, a lot of people associate naivety and blind conformity with membership in the LDS Church. Really, nowadays, very pieous people are depicted in the media this way; as people blindly following some silly church leader, naive to the real goings-on of the world. This is definitely NOT the case. I guess the main point of this blog is to help anyone questioning it understand that membership in the LDS Church is a choice, not an action of force or peer pressure, or an action of blind conformity.

When making a choice to do something or be a part of something, you always have reasons for making that choice. This same rule applies in my decision to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and live its teachings. I guess the simplest way to state my reason for this choice is because the LDS Church offers a minimally drama-free, heartache-free way of life. While most people look at my life and think I'm restricted, I feel more free because of the morals I've decided to uphold in my life. If I'm honest and loving toward all people, I can be free to live my life the way I want and not have to worry about facing jail time. If I'm chaste, I'm free from the risk of STD's, unplanned pregnancy, or heartbreak when some guy dumps me. If I don't choose to fill my body with harmful substances, I'm free from addiction and disease. I know this all sounds like a Jr. High Living a Better Life Campaign or something, but if you think about it, I'm really not so crazy for choosing this way of life. By living by the moral standards of the LDS Church, I feel like I'm more in control of the life I live and becoming the person I ultimately want to be.

Now that my life is working, I've gotten to know a lot of different types of people... most of whom don't share my same beliefs. When I talk to them and they bring up partying or their sex lives or ask me about my weekend plans, it becomes apparent that our beliefs definitely are not parallel. However, when I explain to them that I don't do a lot of the things they do, I don't say "Oh, I don't drink, I'm Mormon." I say something like "Oh, drinking really just has never appealed to me. I have heavy alcoholism on both sides of my family, and I don't want to risk it. Plus, I just really don't like the idea of not being able to control myself." Normally when I say this I get a reaction like, "Oh, that's cool. Still, that was a fantastic party I went to last night. Really... blah blah blah they tell me about their lives." If I go with the first option, the conversation normally goes like this: "Oh, I don't drink, I'm Mormon." "Oh... ha ha. Cool..." and then I feel awkward. It's not like I'm ashamed of my religion... I'm proud to be LDS. I just like being treated like a person instead of a stereotype when I tell people about myself.

One stereotype that I've faced quite frequently is that since I'm Mormon I must A: think I'm better than you and B: judge you and think you're going to hell. This is not true, and honestly, it hurts my feelings when people act on these stereotypes. I will never judge someone for doing something that is not in my set of values, just as I expect the same from other people. I will, however, be disappointed in people for doing things that are stupid, just as I expect other people to be disappointed in me when I'm an idiot. So many times, friends have been having a conversation and they'll tell me lies about where they're going that night, or carefully edit out parts of the story, because they think I'll judge them. It's not like I want to hear the gorey details of your one-night stand or anything (most people don't), but I do want to hear about your life. I want to hear the funny story about that crazy night you got drunk, I do want to hear that you happened to meet a very attractive specimen of the opposite gender and had a good time. (I hope this doesn't sound creepy... you get my point.) See, the thing is, when you assume that I'll judge you because of something you've done just because I don't do it, it makes you the judgemental one.

Going along with judgement, just because I'm going to an LDS school does not mean I will get married at 19 and have five kids by the time I'm 24. Okay, I will admit that there is a chance I may get married early. I don't necessarily want to stay a virgin till I'm thirty. However, getting married early does not necessarily mean that I will suddenly lose all life plans I have ever had for myself. Mormon girls don't just get stupid after they get married, I promise. I'm not in a hurry to do so, and definitely don't plan on it, but if I do get married early, do you really have the right to judge me? I would rather be married at 19 and be watiting to have kids than having my boyfriend's baby at 19.

The last thing you should know about my life as a Mormon is that I don't live the way I do because an old book and my parents and some old guys tell me I should. I live this way because it's who I am. I don't believe in abstinence because it's a commandment, but because it's something I've thought about and decided I want in my life. If I had never even heard of the LDS Church, I would still want that. I don't go to church because I'm afraid I'll go to hell if I don't, I go because I feel good there. I'm not a saint, you all know that. I don't think I'm any better than anyone, you all know that. Mormons don't have life any easier than anyone else, we're not naive to the horrors of humanity. We just choose a support system of people with similar beliefs and a belief in a higher power to help us overcome all of that. Each individual has an escape from humanity, has a way to deal with life's crises, and this is just the escape I've chosen for myself.

I hope that I haven't offended anyone with this post... that wasn't my intention. My intention was to help people better understand things that they may not understand or see things from a different perspective. Here's my life from my point of view, because like I said, I've had my beliefs and opinions told to me quite a bit. I love you all, and I hope you're all out living exciting lives! :)

So,song of the blog... Sorry if you feel like I'm shoving religion down your throats... not trying to. But I feel it's appropriate for me to share one of my favorite "Jesus Songs" with you today. The one I've chosen is "Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape" by Underoath. It really is an amazing song, and don't worry it's not overwhelmingly cheesy, as religious music often is... it's enjoyable! So enjoy!

July!

This blog is a little belated, and that's because I just really am not in the mood to write it. I lack blog inspiration at the moment. Anyways, July was pretty legit. I was super bored for a lot of it, but it also had some shining stars in the black sky of excitement that is my life. (Okay, I'm really a crackhead today, just bear with me)

I started the month off fantastically by going to see He is We. :) I think I wrote about that in my last post, but I'll just re-state that they are incredible! I love them so much! This month I also chose to be one of the gazillion people who went to see Modest Mouse. I have to say that it was not my favorite show of all time; It was SO crowded, and we were SO far back. Regardless, Modest Mouse still gave a fantastic show. They definitely converted me from half-hearted fan to full-fan. And I had a fabulous downtown adventure with my friends Courtney and Braden. In my opinion, downtown adventures can make any situation great!

This month, I had the opportunity to go up to Rexburg for a family reunion (which doesn't happen very often). Some people I know don't even really talk to their extended family, but I really am best friends with most of my cousins, so I loved being able to hang out with them all; some of them I hadn't seen for a long time. We spent a day at Rigby Lake, and it was amazing! It's just this little lake with a beach and this totally sweet water slide out in the middle of it. Now that I know there's one worthwhile activity to participate in when I go to school, I'm not dreading it so much. I also acted like a true Idahoan and petted some calves that belonged to my cousins' neighbors, as well as almost kidnapping the cutest puppy ever named Orson. :) Maybe I'll be able to survive in potato land after all...

Next, I had the opportunity to spend a week with my dearest friend, Sorine Goodworth. If you don't know who Sorine is, you obviously don't know me very well and probably shouldn't read my blog. We've been best friends for as long as I can remember, but she moved to Grantsville when we were in first grade, so we don't see each other as often as we would like. Since she's leaving me to go to Snow in two weeks, and was going to be busy doing super exciting things for the rest of the summer, we decided to utilize her only free week the best way we know how: by having Alora-Sorine quality time all week! :D We kicked it off by going on a spontaneous Lagoon trip with our friends Katie and Ariel. We girls had a total blast! I got everyone to ride the OdySea, which is my favorite ride, and Katie kept me brave while I went on Wicked for the first time. Sorine and I even rode Rattle Snake Rapids four times in a row and looked like disgusting drowned rats, while Katie and Ariel looked all cute cuz they chose not to be nerds like us. ha ha It was way fun. :) Seeing as I'm always broke, and Sorine is leaving for college soon and is also broke, we chose to turn our week together into a non-money spending holiday. (Well, except for going to Lagoon) We did such free things as making crafts (which was very interesting seeing as how we fail epically in the crafty department), eating rice krispy treats with popcorn on them, making a monster batch of scones, going on a picnic with our friend Kristy, painting daisies on red rubber balls (refer to "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" by Relient K), and watching lots of movies. Actually, we didn't watch that many movies, we just watched them lots of times. ;) We established awhile ago that we'd never seen Say Anything with John Cusack and Ione Skye, and that we needed to, so we decided to watch it as a free activity. Honestly, it's one of my new favorite movies of all time. I don't know how many times we watched a certain deleted scene of Corey singing this ridiculous song called "He Hurts Me" to a dinosaur. I definitely recommend watching it for that one scene. Also, Sorine forced me to watch "Better off Dead", also with John Cusack. WATCH THIS MOVIE! hahaha I love it so much! It's such a crackhead movie; it's fantastic! I'm guessing you've probably had enough of my friendship reminiscinces, so I'll quit, but we really did have so much fun.

I guess next on the list of topics to discuss is the fact that I finally got a job! :) Yes, blog readers, I am now employed by Village Inn. I sell old people pie for a living. I really love my job; everyone there is incredibly friendly, and my job is incredibly easy. The first day of work, my boss gave me ten different pieces of pie and was like, "Your assignment is to try all of these. Have fun!" And blog readers, I did have fun. Free pie is the greatest thing on earth! However, my job's not giving me the hours I hoped it would, so I may possibly have to look for another. :/ College sucks.

Sorry that this is so long, but I just have a few more things to say. If you're taking the time to read any of this, I love you! :) So next, I had a fantastic 18th birthday party. Yes, as of the 31, I am an official member of the adult society. The night before my party, I decided I really wanted my cousins from Rexburg to come, and they all got work off, so my mom and Dorie and I decided to take a spontaneous road trip to go up and get them. Luckily, we met my uncle and aunt halfway, so it was only three hours each way, instead of five. However, I had to drive the entire way up. I didn't mind too much that it was three hours on the freeway, but the fact that it was raining and that it was night didn't make me too happy. We made it though, and I didn't kill anyone. ha ha I was so glad my cousins got to come down for the weekend; they hadn't been to my house for almost 10 years. My cousin Kim and I had a fantastic time gossiping and shopping and all of those teenage girl-type things. Then was my partaayy! :D Things started out a little roughly: I had to work all day, then I was running late, then my ride was late, then we got lost... etc. But it ended up being super fun. :) Sorine's dad, Ken, was so nice and let me use his gym for my party. (It's a gymnastics gym, so we played, hardcore :D) And, my dear friends Brad and Blue (AKA The Glass Gentlemen) played an acoustic show for me. It was fantastic! I had so many great friends come, and it was a choice way to ring in my adulthood. I finally decorated a foam block for the foam pit.... with dinosaurs! (duh, what else?)

The next day Sorine, Braden, Kendra, and I voyaged on down to the Avalon to support The Glass Gentlemen while they opened for The Recovery. There were so many bands playing that night, most were good, some were bad, a few were interesting. I didn't catch half of their names, so I won't bore you with the details. However, I will tell you that Brad and Blue did a phenomenal job, and that you should check out their new album on their bandcamp account. :) It was a fantastic way to spend my actual birthday. (Except the Avalon was on crack and had benches all the way up to the stage...)

So, FINALLY, that was my July. Not too exciting, but not too bad, either. So, what's in store for August? Well, my friend Braden and I have been working on some of my music together, and I hope to keep making progress on that. I'll be working. A lot, hopefully. All of my friends are going to be leaving me to get a higher education. Oh, and I'M GOING TO SEE SOMETHING CORPORATE!!!!!:DDD Lowery and Larissa have returned from Idaho, and Lowery and I have already had some pretty lame adventures together. I'm pretty excited to just chill in August, so hit me up, friends. :)

Soo, song of the blog. Maybe I should start putting this at the top of my posts, because it's the only worthwhile part of them. The song I have become madly addicted to recently is "Charmer" by Kings of Leon. I decided I'd venture from their singles and actually give their albums a legit listen... and I actually really liked their stuff, especially this song. Caleb's screams make my heart do flips! Really, it's because of this song and music video that I now want to marry him. Besides his screams and well, him, this song has these incredible bass lines. The instrumental bridge is phenomenal! Another music addiction of mine that's actually been going on for months now is the band Ice Nine Kills. They're not for everyone (too hardcore for some, not hardcore enough for others), but I love them! I recently hit the jackpot on their Purevolume and got tons of free downloads, including some of their way old punk/ska stuff. I love that as well as their newer and newest stuff (it's all a little different... or a lot) I love their acoustic stuff (I suggest "The Simple Act of Giving Up" and "What I Really Learned in Study Hall"), as well as their more hardcore stuff (I suggest "The Greatest Story Ever Told", "In the Throws of a Moral Quandary", and "Build Your Own Disaster") Definitely check them out!

Song lyrics! (No title yet for this one)

So it's that time again! The time where I post song lyrics and ask you for your opinions. I got the okay from my band manager (Sorine) that they don't suck too badly, so hopefully you will approve. :) I haven't gotten a title yet for this one, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Also, in other news, I'll hopefully be working with my friend Braden this week to get some guitar accompaniments started for a lot of the songs I've been working on. I'm aiming to get them all pretty and record them and get a Myspace and such set up for myself sometime in the very near future. Hopefully this will all turn out well.

Untitled


You and me
It was like the sun
Had met the moon
I knew that I
Would fall in love real soon
I just gave you my heart

But you
You never felt that way
But I couldn't tell
Cuz you're a good actor
You played that part so well
You really had me going

Now I just breathe
And try to clear my head
I'm just attempting to forget you

How could you not remember
That day we spent in November
When you held my hand
While we talked in your car
You said I was beautiful
Why would you waste your time, love?
I'm not really that appealing
It doesn't make sense
I'd ask you to explain
But I don't deserve that

Oh baby I
I poured my heart out
I sang you pretty words
I could scream and scream
But I'll never be heard
You made sure of that

Was I crazy
To think you meant
The things you said
I'm sorry that the wasted time's
What you regret
The time you spent with me

Now I just breathe
And try to clear my head
I'm just attempting to forget you

How could you not remember
That day we spent in November
When you held my hand
While we talked in your car
You said I was beautiful
Why would you waste your time, love?
I'm not really that appealing
It doesn't make sense
I'd ask you to explain
But I don't deserve that

Who gave you the right
To take away all of my sad songs
And who gave you the right
To say that we could not be friends
Who gave you the right
To walk away from this clean-handed
And who gave you the right
To dictate how this thing ends?
(repeat)

I guess that's what I get for trusting you


..... and that's the end! Let me know what you think! :D Hopefully I'll actually post another blog about something exciting soon. But my life isn't really the epitome of excitement, so we'll see how that goes. I love you blog readers, have fun! :D

Top Ten Concert Complaints

Basically, there is nothing I enjoy more in this world than a good concert. If I could go to a show every night, I would. I love the adrenaline that comes with a live show, and I LOVE watching musicians actually make music. I could go on and on about what I love about concerts, but I'm focusing this blog on my.... Top 10 concert complaints! These are things that I have experienced at many a show, and they really just get under my skin. Please don't do them, and if you do them, please don't let me know.

1. People who make out during the show.
Okay, so I'm not a huge fan of PDA. I can barely stand it when the couple is several feet away from me. But when you're at a show and making out with your significant other, and I'm pressed up against you, it's not enjoyable for me. It's uncomfortable. I have no desire to watch you "sound your horn" and definitely don't wish to join you. Nobody likes it. It's uncomfortable. Don't do it.

2. Couples at concerts.
Maybe this is me being a bitter single shrew, but I honestly can't stand certain couples at concerts. There's no problem going with your significant other; I'm a firm advocate of love. However, when you make it impossible for people to see or move past you because you can't move due to you being conjoined to your lover, it really ticks me off. I once went to a show where a guy who was well on the tall side of 6' was directly in front of me, and no matter how much I maneuvered myself or how polite I was, he would not move out of my way because he was holding onto his girlfriend. Also, when you grind in a tight crowd, it's not cute.

3. People who bring their children to shows.
Really, this explains itself. I can't understand how people are stupid enough to bring their SMALL children to shows! Really, this has happened at both outdoor and indoor venues that I've been to. What benefit are they going to get from seeing your favorite band playing in a tight, cramped, space where people are moshing, drinking, and smoking? Really, how can you be that stupid?

4. People who mosh for no reason.
I am fully aware of moshing, and that it has a time and place. I'm not a fan of joining in myself, but I have no problem if others do it. However, when you try and mosh during a non-moshing band, you look like an idiot! Nobody appreciates it. This is seriously the fastest way to be labeled "tool" at a show.

5. People who smoke pot at shows.
I hate pot... I hate everything about it! And it's so rude to just light up a joint in the middle of a show, where people can't move if they hate smelling your nasty weed. I have had so many experiences where people just light up right in front of me and pass it around... and I want to die. Please, just smoke before you come or just go home and do it.

6. People who carry around their beer cups at shows.
Ughh! First of all, why do you have to be drunk to come hear a band? If it's really that important, get drunk and listen to the music at home. Second of all, if it's really that necessary to get drunk, don't carry around your beer everywhere! Gosh, I know I, as a non-drinker, think it's absolutely disgusting to get someone else's beer spilled all over you. And again, drink it somewhere where people have the chance to escape your beer spill, not somewhere where people are cramped and can't avoid it.

7. When guys take their shirts off at shows.
I don't know about you, but the idea of being pressed up against a big, sweaty, shirtless stranger doesn't appeal to me. (Get those dirty thoughts out of your heads, readers. It's not pleasant.) Maybe I'm just a prude, but I feel the same way about this as I do about couples making out... it just makes everyone uncomfortable. Yeah, it's hot... but you don't see me taking off my shirt and it being okay. Deal with it.

8. The girls who act like they're at the club.
Girls, if you want to dance like a drunken fool and throw yourselves at men, please stick to the club. Yeah, band guys are hot, but really, easy groupie who doesn't even listen to the band isn't attractive. It distracts people like me who actually want to see the show from having a pleasant experience.

9. The off-color remarks guys make about female musicians.
Okay, we've all been there... the girl on stage says something and some guy in the crowd turns it into a "that's what she said" or "Yeah, I'll do that to you baby." And while it's funny, and it is... have some class. Nothing stamps "douchebag" on your forehead like doing this.

10. Excessive expletives
I am no stickler when it comes to language... it doesn't really bother me that much. Most shows don't register on my bad language radar at all. But then there are those bands.. or those audiences that accompany them where every other word is "F this" "F that" "I hate God" and there have been a couple of shows where it's gotten to the point I want to punch someone in the face. It's not necessary. I love the bands who say something witty instead.. or at least use the F word cleverly or sparingly.

So there are my top ten concert complaints. Yeah, I know my white Mormon girl is coming out, and I probably sound like your mother, but these are some things I could really live without. Of course, I'll still go to shows and still love them and I'll live with these pet peeves of mine... but if you're making out next to me, I really might punch you.

Umm... song of the blog for today is "Beginner's Luck" by Eels. It's a really catchy Indie Pop song, and I think you'll enjoy it.

Jonathan's Song

Okay, so awhile ago, my friend Jonathan and I were downtown and he said something to me along the lines of "Remember those colorful buildings we saw? I want to live somewhere like that, but all of the buildings now are just industrial and gray. Ew." I jokingly told him I was going to use that in a song and call it "Jonathan's Song", but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. So, it's not really about my friend Jonathan, I just stole his words. It's more just a representation of those people who haven't lost their innocence and passion and a sense of beauty. Ha ha sorry that I'm trying to sound deep, but hopefully you'll like it. I'm also kind of interested in guitar with this song, so again, if you want to help me with that, I would be eternally grateful. :)


Jonathan's Song

I once met a boy
He was so unconcerned with the world
All he did was dream
He wanted to touch everything beautiful
With his paintbrush and his soul
He didn't say words
He spoke in poetry
He touched my heart

But it's all for nothing
Nothing
Nothing
It's for nothing at all

And he told me
I want to live in a world full of color
But now all the buildings are industrial and grey
There's smokestacks
And chimneys
And barbed wire fences
Right where all the flowers used to be

He said
People
They've lost the taste for melody
They just wanna scream
They want those hardcore dance beats
Complete with their voices touched with auto-tune
They've lost their words
They've lost their poetry
They've lost their heart

It all means nothing
Nothing
Nothing
It means nothing at all

And he told me
I want to live in a world full of color
But now all the buildings are industrial and grey
There's smokestacks
And chimneys
And barbed wire fences
Right where all the flowers used to be

Oh
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back to the time
When artists made art
And lovers made love

Oh
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back to the songs
That revive the old
And inspire the young

And we're screaming
I want to live in a world full of color
But now all the buildings are industrial and grey
There's smokestacks
And chimneys
And barbed wire fences
Right where all the flowers used to be

Inspire me
Ohh

To Write Love on Her Arms

So this is kind of a really personal song... and I don't know exactly how I feel about posting it. It's different, but I really like it. I'm in the process of writing an epic piano part to accompany it at the moment. I just really felt the title was fitting, but I might end up changing it... I probably will.

To Write Love on Her Arms


She's all alone, it's after midnight
Those familiar thoughts come to pay their dues
She's fought them off so many times
But she's tired tonight
She welcomes them with open arms
And says "Hello" to the little white bottle
The little bottle could solve all her problems
She could end it tonight
So she pops a few and says goodbye

Not the white sheets

Not the white pills

Doctor, let me out of this hell

Cuz I'm trying

And I'm fighting

This monster I've created inside myself

Therapy sessions and more medication
The doctors say that she's growing up
Unknown hands encourage with firm pats on the back
But underneath the charts and journals
Her old demons still make their home
Blood-stained wrists and tear-streaked cheeks
She's given up hope
She's falling off of a slippery slope


Not the white sheets
Not the white pills
Doctor, let me out of this hell
Cuz I'm trying
And I'm fighting
This monster I've created inside myself


Let me go
Let me go


Oh you hurt me
You break my heart
When you bleed
You cut me open
And when you cry
It's my tears that fall down


Not the white sheets
Not the white pills
Doctor, let her out of this hell
Cuz she's trying
And she's fighting
This monster she's created inside herself


Throw away those thoughts
And come back to me
You know I'll always be there
Just take my hand
I love you
I love you
Please come home to me

Yellow

Alright, so it's time for more lyrics! I really really want you guys' opinions; I need all the help I can get. This is a song I wrote awhile ago, it's just a cute little song I wrote out in the sun. It was like, the first day it was warm outside and I laid out in the grass and wrote. I was so high on life, and the color yellow is what kept coming to mind while I was writing, so there's the title. I really would love a guitar part for this song, and anyone who wants to collab with me to bring this about (seeing as how I still can't play guitar), I would love you forever! :D

Yellow

The little girl
Wrapped in the yellow dress
She makes the whole world shine


The little boy
With the starry eyes
His world is always on fire


And when he's with her
It's like the whole sky's
Covered in bright stars
The same color as her eyes


Oh! Could this be love?
There's nothing greater in this world
Than a little boy and girl
Falling in love


The little boy
Growing up too fast
She's always on his mind


That little girl
In the pretty yellow dress
She dreams about him every night


And when she's with him
Her heart beats a little bit faster
And she smiles from head to toe


Oh! Could this be love?
There's nothing greater in this world
Than a plain old boy and girl
Falling in love


It must be love
He makes her want to scream and shout
And always makes the sun come out
It's love

And one day she'll be his wife
He can't wait to kneel on one knee
She can't wait to share her life with him
And when they die, it'll be beautiful
He'll still think that she's beautiful


Oh! Could this be love?
There's nothing greater in this world
Than a boy and a girl
Who've found true love


Let's fall in love
I want nothing fromm this world
Than to be the only girl
You love


Let's fall in love
I will wear my yellow dress
Under the stars we'll both confess
That we're in love

June!

My first month as a high school graduate has now come to a close. I can't really say that it's that great being a graduate: sure, I guess my mom doesn't care where I go anymore, but I get yelled at every day to find a job. Yes, I still have not gotten a job, and it sucks, hardcore. There have been some fun moments too, and I guess I should update you on how my month went. Not because anyone reads this or really cares about my life, but because I feel like I've just ranted for the past 80 billion posts, and I like to pretend Sorine and I aren't the only ones who read this.



Like I said, June has been pretty uneventful. Of course there was graduation on the fourth, and my slightly disastrous after party. Graduation's pretty big, and i"m glad it's over with, but besides that, I haven't accomplished much. My typical day consists of me waking up around 10:30, eating while watching Make it or Break it online so I could catch up before the new season, cleaning the house, getting dressed, turning in/getting job applications, more T.V. watching, singing at my piano until my family gets annoyed, cooking dinner for my family, maybe going out with friends, reading, and going to bed around one. How awful does that sound? Let me tell you, it is awful. I'm getting desperate for a job not just because I need money, but because I need something productive to do with my life. I really have lost count of how many places I've applied to and called back, and people just aren't hiring. Or they won't hire me till I'm 18. There is nothing more frustrating than getting denied a job when your birthday is only a month away. :/ I'm still trying though. My mom is making me volunteer at the animal shelter and possibly a rehab center (I wanted to do both, she's just giving me a kick in the pants.) in the meantime, so that I don't completely fail at life.



Speaking of the animal shelter, we adopted a dog yesterday. His name is Scooby and he is part pug, part chiuaua. Sounds awful, right? He's actually adorable. He's Dorie's dog, and KC is pretty jealous.



Although I mostly just have no life, I did do some exciting things this month. Karina, Mary, and I attended a meditation at Dancing Crane Imports, and that was an interesting experience. We also frequented Diva's Coffee a few times to hear these guys sing, and I even did a cover of "...Baby One More Time" with them, which was exciting. :D I also had the opportunity to go to the Chalk Art Festival at the Gateway a few weeks ago. As you probably know, I love sidewalk chalk. I really do. The art that people created on the sidewalk was absolutely incredible! I almost was inspired to start being an artist... and then I remembered I only draw stick figures. But it was so cool! Katie, Ariel, and I also got the opportunity to play with chalk while we were there, and we created some pretty rad recreations of ourselves. :) Katie and Ariel will possibly post the pictures on Facebook soon. When this happens, definitely check them out!

This week was probably the most eventful of my life as a graduate. My family decided to vacation in Park City, and it was a very awful trip up there. Sunday we set out, me at the wheel, armed with my learner's permit. (Hahaha I know. Shut up.) Let's just say there was a lot of screaming taking place between my parents and I, and I nearly ran a semi off the road. It ended up being really enjoyable trip while I was there though. We went to the street fair, and I loved that! I didn't stay for the whole trip because I left to go on a roadtrip with Sorine and Katie and a few of our other friends. (Aubree, Becca, Kristy, and Kendra) We went up to Blackfoot, Idaho to stay at Sorine's grandma's house. Now, before you laugh your head off at this road trip, let me tell you that it was the most killer roadtrip that anyone has ever taken! I personally LOVE Sorine's grandma's house! She has this giant, open, yard and a huge canal behind her house with rapids and everything. (Oh! And a rope swing! :D) Her grandparents were so hospitable, making us delicious scones and forcing us all to perform in a "talent show" for them. I have decided that Idaho is the worst place for food, ever! My reasoning being this includes an awful experience in a Winger's where we had to wait an hour for our WATER, never got popcorn (It's WINGER"S, you're supposed to get popcorn!), and receiving my luke-warm pasta after the restaurant closed...and then they charged Sorine and I forty bucks for our food... Also, we went to a Wendy's and one girl was doing everything, so our orders took forever. They didn't give us Frostys in our kids' meals, and everything on the dollar menu was $1.50 or more except fries and a Frosty. Of course, I can't complete a journey anywhere without injuring myself or breaking something. I didn't make it to the water on the rope swing, and fell like 10 feet onto the hard, hard, ground. I couldn't walk very well for a few days after that. But it really was the best roadtrip ever! I could go on with funny stories for ever, but I doubt you'd want to read them all. Hopefully pictures will be available for you soon, and you'll see me so I can tell you all these stories! Sorine, Katie, and I have agreed to start a fund for our roadtrip to California in a few years. Universal Studios (and Jurassic Park Ride :D), here we come!

Last night we went and saw He is We at Kilby Court. Oh my gosh, I have so much to say about this show! It wasn't my favorite, but it's up there in my top. To start off, none of us bothered to get the address or had been there before, so we got a little lost....but we found our way and I instantly fell in love! Seriously, Kilby Court is the best place on earth. :) I want to live there. The opening acts were The Glass Gentlemen and Jessica Basset, both local acts. They were both great! Jessica gave off a vibe like she really didn't care about what she was doing, and that bothered me, because she was really good. But The Glass Gentlemen.... :) They were so great! I don't know how many times I turned to Kaitlin and was like "Oh my gosh! I'm in love with Blue! I know he's so small (and you will see in the pictures of us, I am twice his size), but I love him!" His vocals were impressive and he sang with just so much pure emotion. I was so inspired. We had the opportunity to meet them after the show, and we ended up talking to them for a good 45 minutes. I was thoroughly impressed with how genuine and funny they were.. and they were just as star-struck as us. We ended up getting both of their numbers, having them agree to play a show at my birthday party (blog readers, you are ALL invited!), and having them offer to let me use their recording equipment and offering to audition me for their band. They were so friendly, and please, please blog readers (if there are any) support them. Their album and EP are available for free by following the link on their Myspace. The main act, as I have already stated, was He is We. If you don't know my love for this band, I will tell you: He is We is incredible! I love them SO much! I couldn't see them for most of the set because there were like, four super tall girls right in front of me, but I eventually got a really good spot. I didn't know how their live set was going to turn out, but they impressed me. A lot. :) However, their set was super short... only six songs including an encore. We got to meet them afterwards, and got pictures with all of them. Trevor was off on his own, so we had to get pictures with him separately. He was so funny, and made sure to compliment all of us, which I thought was super cute. He was wearing a white shirt, unbuttoned pirate-style. So during our picture he says to me "I'm really sorry if my boobs are hanging out in this picture... it's just so hot out here." and I was incredibly close to blurting out "That's okay. Maybe I'll just let mine hang out too." but I didn't. Ha ha I was thoroughly impressed.

So that's my June! It wasn't very exciting, but it wasn't that bad. What's in store for July? Well, volunteering like I told you, and hopefully getting a job. I'm going to several concerts this month, and I still need someone to attend Silverstein with me on the 14. If you want to go, hit me up! Also, I'm going to a family reunion where I will finally be reunited with my dearest cousin, Lowery. :) And, of course, I'm having the most amazing birthday party ever! :D I'll keep you all posted. Also, I recently had people comment on some posts. Please keep the comments coming.. I absolutely LOVE them!

Songs of the blog will of course be my recommendations from the show. From He is We I recommend "Pour Me Out", "Our July in the Rain", "Radio", "His Name", and of course, "Happily Ever After". By The Glass Gentlemen, I really recommend you download their albums... I'm listening to them right now. But you should definitely check out "Blue Whales", "Alarms", "Night Sleep Maybe", "Not Enough" (Sorine's Favorite), and "Our Winter Goodbye" (My favorite). Give them all a listen, it'll improve your lives! I love you all, and hope you are having the most amazing summers of your lives!

A Bitter Post About Society's Misconceptions

If you know me well, you know that there are two things in this world that make me unbelievably happy beyond all reason: music and people falling in love. I am the worst in romantic movies, yelling at the couple when they leave each other and jumping for joy when they finally get back together. I'm that girl in your classes upon whom you can always depend for an "Awwww!" when a cute story is told. Knowing this about me, you might expect me to always have the perfect, adorable boyfriend and be madly in love, or at least be outrageously boy crazy. This, however, is not the case. I'm extremely picky about who I date, and therefore don't date much at all. I have a checklist in my head of what society tells me the perfect guy is supposed to be like, and when someone falls short of this list, I give up. The more I learn, the more I realize that society doesn't know what the heck it's talking about. An avid chick-flick watcher, I've compiled many of my ideas of what falling in love is supposed to be like from movies, seeing as how I've never actually fallen in love with anyone myself. However, through observing my own life, as well as the lives of my friends and acquaintances, I've found several holes in society's expectations that don't really occur in real life. And while I think, deep down, all girls know that most of these expectations they have in their head aren't realistic, they still expect these things, whether consciously or not. Quite honestly, I feel a little bitter about this. So, in an attempt to set things straight with myself, as well as, you know, the rest of the world (just kidding) I'm going to share with you the faults that I've found in the reasoning we've been shaped our entire lives to take on.

1. A guy will fix all of your problems.
I think that this is the main flaw in romantic reasoning. Almost every girl I know has said this phrase when times are tough: "I know I have friends and family who love me, but I just really wish I could just hug him. Then I'd feel so much better." I, too, have said this many, many times, and I testify to you that this is WRONG! If the guy (or girl. Sorry for all you male-gender folk reading this. I'm not hating on you. I'm just writing this from my point of view. I still love you, and this can apply to you too. <3)

2. A kiss will fix anything.
A hit in the plot of romantic movies/books/stories, etc. Boy screws up, big time. (Visa versa for guys reading this, sorry again) Boy and girl spend time apart, but they're still madly in love with each other, even though girl hates boy. Boy arrives spontaneously one day, girl sees him, gets angry, but wants him to still be in love with her. Boy decides that there are no good words to say sorry, so he just kisses girl. She kisses him back. They live happily ever after. I don't know about you, but from my experience, this is never the case in real life. Maybe I have issues, but I know it's not just me. A kiss never just fixes everything- it just makes things more complicated and hurts your already broken heart. It makes you feel pathetic afterward, for selling yourself out for a stupid little kiss. What about all the time you spent apart, convincing yourself that he was a jerk and that you're too good for him and remembering all the ways he did you wrong? Are those automatically not legitimate anymore just because he kissed you? Society seems to tell us that. I've found that the truth is a little closer to things being really awkward for a long time, fighting a lot, a lot of talking and hurt feelings, mistrust. Then, if it's real, they'll eventually work things out. But nothing's ever just solved with a kiss.

3. In real life, guys don't really stand outside your window with a stereo playing your favorite song.
I'll admit it, I've always secretly wanted someone to reenact this scene from Say Anything for my sake. But the truth is, most of the time, it just doesn't happen. I'm not saying that the world isn't full of many wonderful, romantic gestures. It's just that they're not as common as we have been conditioned to believe. If you've ever seen the movie 500 Days of Summer, there's a scene where one reel, his "Expectations" play next to another reel, his "Reality". This is what constantly goes on in my head: the expectations reel and the reality reel playing depressingly side-by-side. In the movie, his "Expectations" reel shows him showing up to her party, them talking and flirting the whole night, and finally sneaking off to her bedroom together. His "Reality" reel shows things being super awkward between them, him drinking by himself, and leaving when he sees her showing off her engagement ring from another man. I don't know how many times I've beat myself up because my unbelievably out of control "Expectations" reel and my "Reality" reel don't match up. The truth is, most people aren't nearly as brave as we believe them to be. They won't stand outside of our windows looking like complete idiots holding up stereos with their hearts on the line to prove they love us. It's normally something a lot smaller.

So there are some musings from the overly romantic mind of Alora Beach. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a hopeless romantic and believe that falling in love really is something magical and unexplainable, and that it deserves so much more credit than a lot of people give it. I'm just trying to convince myself to have more realistic expectations. :)

So, song of the blog today... that's a hard one. I was trying to think of a "realistic" love song, and the only ones I could thing of were incredibly bitter and depressing (yeah, I guess you can figure out what kind of mood I've been in lately), and I didn't really want to subject you, my lovely readers (if you exist) to bitterness and depression and more cynicism than is already present in this blog post. I've decided on "A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz. This is one of my absolute favorite Jason Mraz songs. And that's exactly what most relationships end up being: a beautiful mess. I hope you all are having a fabulous summer, and having amazing fun! :D

Summer Goals

We all know how summer starts out: we're full of high expectations and make lists of stupid, pointless things we want to do in the summer to have "adventures", but mostly we just sit home wondering what to do and never accomplish any of these goals. (i.e. stealing a safety cone) I've decided this is going to be a fantastic summer, a summer of change. So, I'm not making a list of goals which will not help me accomplish anything in life, and that nobody wants to read anyways. I've narrowed my list down to just a few goals, which you still probably don't care to read.



1. Get a job.

This one is self-explanatory: I need something productive to do with my time. I'm a poor highschool graduate going to school in January. I need to start becoming an adult sometime. Plus, my mom nags me about three times a day.... I've been searching and submitting applications and following up, but nobody's hiring.. Stupid economy! Hopefully I will find one soon. If anyone can help me out with this, I'd love you forever!



2. Be loud.

Most of you probably know me as "The loud, tall, blonde girl" so you're wondering to yourselves what the crap kind of goal this is. Well, I will elaborate for you. Yes, I am loud. I can talk for hours at volume levels which are normally not socially acceptable. However, I've always been a very reserved person, constantly trying to be polite, diplomatic, and not offensive to anyone. While I think these are important characteristics, and a core part of who I am, a lot of times I end up not standing up for myself and being a total pushover. I end up not expressing myself how I need to. This summer I'm going to work on saying what's on my mind, I'm going to allow myself to get angry and let it show. I'm going to be more daring with the clothes I wear. I'm not going to restrict myself by getting to know only certain types of people. I'm going to be loud. :)



3. Become a musician.

My excuse for not writing music is always "I don't have time". Well, as of this moment, I have all the time in the world. And I'm inspired. I plan on writing a lot of music this summer, and maybe recording some of it. I also plan on learning to play the guitar. I have wanted to for so long, and now my desire to do so is just too much. I have to learn... well, I need to purchase a guitar first, which means I need money... hence goal one. Also, I plan on expanding my vocal horizons. Not only do I want to become a better singer, I want to experiment with different styles than I'm used to. As part of goal two, I want to roughen up the edges of my voice. I'm going to sing loudly and obnoxiously until I find something I like. I also really want to learn how to scream.

4. Learn how to take care of a house.

I figure learning how to take care of an house and yard is something that's important to do before I move out. Since I have so much more free time, I'm going to clean the house more, and hopefully learn something about how to have pretty grass. Also, I should probably cook more....

5. Learn to drive.

This one is also self-explanatory. I am 18 and don't have a driver's license.

6. Grow closer to God.

I no longer have the excuse of being out of time to not read my scriptures. This summer, I really want to strengthen my testimony and grow closer to the Lord. I'm starting the Book of Mormon over again, and maybe this time I can actually finish it!

So that's it! My summer goals list! That wasn't so painful, now was it? I really think these are obtainable goals that will acutally improve my life. :)


The song for the blog today... well, I have two. I've become absolutely addicted to these songs lately, and believe they need to be shared. If you're looking for something sweet and acoustic, I recomment "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes. I've decided this song is being played at my wedding, and I'm just so in love with it! If you're in the mood for something a little more hardcore, I recommend "The Greatest Story Ever Told" by Ice Nine Kills. I've become incredibly addicted to this band, and just think they're fantastic... especially this song! Mmm :D

Graduation Reflection

So it's a Friday night, and I'm home sick, so I figured now is as good a time as any to post a new blog. I know, it's been like, a century and a half since I wrote anything, but I haven't really had any inspiration strike me. I'm not very inspired as of right now, but we'll see how this goes. Just in case you're ignorant, I'm graduating in exactly two weeks from today. That's right: the big end to high school. D: I've gotta say that I'm not worried or scared, though. I made up my mind a long time ago that high school just isn't my favorite thing in life. Don't get me wrong- I love the experiences and opportunities that I've had and the wonderful friends I've made! However, I'm definitely at the point where I need something different. I can't wait to finally start my own life. It's not looking like that exciting of a life: Working and then attending BYU-I in January (and NOT marrying a farmer), but at least it's something that I want to do, not that the state requires me to do.

While I'm really excited to move on with my life and become my own person, there are a lot of things I'll miss from high school. I'll really miss just being with my friends every day. I'm not disappointed at all with how my senior year turned out, and there are several people who were a gigantic part of making it fantastic. This year I really learned how to be a good friend, who is learning not to be so selfish. I learned not to discount the people who are always around to support you. I broke past my ideas of what people were like, and learned to really get to know them. I allowed myself to trust people, and to show people the true Alora. I learned that I don't care what people think of me, and that I love the people who still stick by me despite seeing my true colors. There are some people who I won't be very sad about never seeing again (sad, but true), but there are those few people who I want to be in my life forever because of the impact they've made on my life. I really hope high school won't be the end for our friendship.

This year was definitely a year of change for me. I started out the year miserably, hating every minute of school. Reflecting back on that now, things are so much better. The situation I'm in definitely isn't better, but I have a better outlook on things. I'm not bitter at life anymore, but am open to change. My testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ has grown immensely. I've been able to see God's hand in so many things throughout my life and have come to trust him in guiding me. Like I said earlier, I learned to not care what people think about me. This year my life became less about doing what I though other people wanted, but what I expected of myself. I've discovered that music is what I love more than anything. I started writing songs, and it's become a lot easier for me to express myself through them, not that they're really all that good yet. I'm not so scared to sing in front of people anymore. This year I learned to trust people. That might seem so cliche or what not, but it's true. Those of you who know me well know that I'm secretly really shy, and I guard my emotions like they're the Sorcerer's Stone and Voldemort is trying to steal it to ruin the world. (Wow, nerdy moment there. I blame my illness) This year I opened myself up to those I care about, still not as much as a normal person would, but I'm slowly becoming more normal. I learned that it's not that bad. Some people deserved my trust and helped me through a lot of things and made me feel better about myself.... and some people didn't give two cents and completely let me down. I don't really regret anything from this year or my high school experience, because they've made me into the person I am today, and I think she's pretty okay. :)

There really aren't that many teachers who I will miss, but there are a few. The teachers I loved the most were definitely Madame Baigue, Dr. Pearce, and Mr. Brusatto (Shh.. don't tell him!) They all taught me so much, and I plan on visiting them all sometime after graduation (maybe).

I have so many favorite memories from my high school experience, but here are just a few:

Totally weirding Emerson out on the first day of Sophomore year by yelling "Hey! I'm Alora! Remember me?" across the room.

Forming the FHB

Having a toga party

Getting anonymous sing-a-grams on Valentine's Day

Going to football games with my face painted. And winning region championships.

All the inside jokes I've made with people.

Singing in Mads over Christmas. Our carpools were always... interesting.

Singing in the seminary talent show with Emily and Braden this year.

Telling everyone about Ken and Katie and their elbows.

When Katie fell down at the DI.

Being "late" to every play practice this year.

Singing "Going to the Chapel" with Mary in French

All of the dates I've gone on.

All of the concerts I've gone to.

All of the pictures Jonathan drew for me.

Pulling the all-nighter with Mary.

English and Aerobics last year.

Conquering.

Most of the dances I went to.

Proving Sorine's existence

All the musicals I was in

Gosh, there are just so many things I really liked about high school, but you're probably tired of reading about them, so I'll stop. :) High school was good, and I'm definitely looking forward to having more adventures in my new life out of school. Hopefully sometime before I go up to Idaho, I can learn how to drive. That'd be good. haha June, 4, here I come! :D

I don't even know what the song of the blog should be today. I've just been in kind of a free-for-all mood when it comes to music lately. I guess I'll go with "My Baby's Better Than Yours" by Meg & Dia. The lyrics of this song are so great - I'm absolutely in love with them! This is one of their really old, lesser-known songs, but it's absolutely great! I like their old stuff best anyways. "Step over, step over that clever line-gotta figure out which side is right. Choose a destiny to live for - if you wanna live, or die, or fight. And only one side wins, and what I think of this I don't know. It's not that I'm afraid of dying, it's just I'm so afraid to live." I think that's very suiting for a blog about moving on from high school. Give this song a listen, you'll love it! :D

Top 10 Favorite Songs!

Awhile ago I promised I would compile a list of my top ten favorite songs. I'm not kidding, this was nearly impossible. I got started and I would think of a song and then compare it with another, and I couldn't. I love all music for different reasons and it's not fair to compare- it's impossible, actually. I thought of all kinds of top ten categories I could put songs in to make this easier, and then I realized that I'd probably have a billion categories on the list when all was said and done. So, here are the top ten songs that I chose. Some of them I chose because of sentimental value and some I chose because of musical value. These are ten songs that I cannot imagine living without (I literally went through this long list I wrote down and said "What songs would I die without?"), and most of them have helped me through many a hard time in my life. I don't care if you love them or hate them or agree with their positions on my list- these songs are my favorites because they mean something to me. However, I really hope that you readers can relate to one of my song choices or maybe converted to be a lover of some of them. ;) Well, here goes!

1. "Deathbed" by Relient K
So, this song has every right to be number one on the list. I really don't think there is a more epic song anywhere. This song is around 11 minutes long, but it's worth every single second. The song is basically a man laying on his deathbed reviewing his life and all the things he regrets and the hardships he had to face - this man led a very hard life. But, the event that sticks out most in his life is the night he gave up and turned himself over to Christ. I believe everyone who has become converted to the love and teachings of Christ can identify with the lyrics:
"You cried wolf, the tears, they soaked your fur. The blood dripped from your fangs. You said 'What have I done?' You loved that lamb with every sinful bone, and there you wept alone. Your heart was so contrite. You said 'Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes, and sanctify this withered heart of mine. Be with me until my life is through, and on that day, please take me home with you.'"
Jon Foreman's outro sums it all up by saying "I am the way" and "I am love". This song is purely incredible!

2. "Konstantine" by Something Corporate
This is definitely the second most epic song ever. This one's about 10 minutes long, but again, every second is meaningful. I think that everyone can relate to this song in one way or another. I know that the meaning changes for me each time I listen to it, and each time new people or situations come come into my life. I sincerely believe that this is the only song I've ever heard that uses the "F" and it just belongs there for artistic value. Some of my favorite lyrics of all time come from this song, my favorite being:
"This is to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car, 'When the first star you see may not be a star'. I'm not your star. Isn't that what you said? What you thought this song meant?"
One of the phrases that hits me the hardest every time I listen to this song is "They'll never hurt you like I do." I think everyone can relate to this on some level. I think that's maybe why Andrew chose to repeat it more than any other words in the song.
The most amazing thing about this song is that Andrew McMahon wrote it when he was 17. If you have not heard this song, I promise you, it is worth your time to give it a listen!

3. "For the Moment I Feel Faint" by Relient K
This song has helped me through so many hard times in my life. My faith in the Savior is the most important thing in my life, and this song sums it all up so easily. "Never underestimate my Jesus, cuz when the world around you crumbles, he will be strong." No matter what inadequacies we posses, Christ will always make up for them through his love. There is nothing more powerful than the simple testimony given in this song.

4. "I Want to Save You" by Something Corporate (The acoustic version)
Hahaha notice a pattern? This just proves Relient K and Something Corporate are amazing. I guess my love for this song is my inner teenage girl coming out, but I believe everyone (Not just teenage girls) is looking for someone to save them from whatever they're facing, whether it's themselves , their circumstances, or situations they've put themselves in. Despite how corny it sounds, this song always gives me hope for my future. Hope that one day I will meet someone who cares about me enough to save me from reality, and that my reality will be better because of them. The acoustic version of this song is so amazingly beautiful, it just hits the spot each time I listen to it.

5. "Hallelujah"
So there's no artist on this song, because there's not one artist's interpretation that I particularly love. My favorite version is the version I sing at my piano and express how it makes me feel myself. This song is the epitome of beauty. The melody and accompaniment hit you right in the soul every time. But, the words are my favorite part. The lyrics to this song are pure poetry. They're absolutely classic. If the music hits your soul, the lyrics pierce right through it; they're completely heartfelt. My favorite line from this song will always be "I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and a broken Hallelujah." My mom wants this song played at her funeral, and I don't blame her. This song is music at some of its finest.

6. "Hold On" by Good Charlotte
So before you criticize me for having Good Charlotte on this list, hear me out: this song has helped me through so many hard times in my life. I know it's so cliche emo, but it's true. Sometimes all you need from life is someone to tell you "Hold On". I seriously cry almost every time I listen to this song. And the music video (which I posted awhile back) is absolutely amazing. It's about suicide awareness, and this is an issue that hits very close to home to me. This song always seems to bring everything in my life back into perspective. So, judge me as you will, but I firmly believe this song deserves its place on this list.

7. "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World
What can I say about this song? This is one of the first songs that really started my love of music. I also get really emotional every time I listen to this song. I believe it's a good song for missing people, deceased or not. This was the favorite song of someone very close to me, who I ended up growing apart from. I listened to this song a lot when I started to miss them, because it connected us in a way. (Corny, I know, but it was comforting to me). I think that the third verse is incredibly beautiful:
"And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time a song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live."
I definitely wouldn't mind having this song played at my funeral, it's that great.

8. "Let it Be" from the Across the Universe Soundtrack
"Let it Be"- it's a Beatles classic. The Beatles were a huge part of my childhood, including this song with it's powerful lyrics. However, this version of the song puts it in a whole new perspective. I'm awestruck after every time I listen to this song- the vocal ability and raw emotion presented are incredible. This is one instance where I believe the cover is better than the original version. If you have not seen Across the Universe, please at least listen to this song. You won't regret it.

9. "When Doves Cry" by Quindon Tarver
I think it's funny that this song is on the list after everything I've put before it is emotional and makes me reflect upon myself and deep things such as that. This song, however, is on here simply for its musical content. The first time I ever saw Romeo + Juliet, I watched the scene where they sing this song, and I remember thinking that it was the most amazing thing I had ever heard. I am absolutely in love with Quindon's silky smooth, soulful voice, and could listen to it for hours. His voice hooks you into the song instantly, but then as the song transitions into this fantastic beat, you become addicted. I have always thought this song was just extremely well-done, and I could definitely not live with myself it wasn't on the list.


10. "This Ride" by The Starting Line
The tenth song was the hardest to decide on, but this song stood out among all my other options as the song I would have a very hard time living without. I don't remember when the first time I heard this song was (it was several years ago, I know that), but it was the song that got me hooked on TSL. It's an extremely catchy song, and I've found that no matter what's going on in my life, this song always seems to fit it. The line that made me fall in love with this song is "When happiness is based on lies, it's so hard, it's too hard to tell the truth." It's such a simple phrase, but that's what makes it so great. It's absolutely true, and we've all experienced situations where our happiness is based on lies, but it's too hard to face reality. Also, I don't know about you, but when I write songs or listen to certain songs, my real intent is to say "Here's the things I meant, but I never said."

So that concludes my list. I'm pretty pleased with it for the moment being, and I hope I don't think of revisions I could've made, because it'll drive me crazy. It's probably best if I don't give it much more thought. Ha ha. I hope that maybe you'll agree with some of my song choices, and maybe you got introduced to some great new music, or at least got reacquainted with some. :)

Guilty Pleasures

, So, everyone has guilty pleasures: those things that you secretly love but won't admit to anyone. Well, here are a few of mine:

Music: The first thing that comes to mind is Britney classics. Yes, I am a huge fan of ...Baby One More Time. It was the first CD I ever bought, and I still hold it dear to my heart. Some of my favorite Britney hits include "...Baby One More Time", "Oops! I Did it Again", "Everytime", and "Lucky". I also have a problem with listening to music that a white girl like me has no place listening to and pretending I'm a gangster. My top horrible fake gangster songs are "Lean Like a Cholo" by Down AKA Kilo, "Drink 'n My 2 Step" by Cassidy, and "Hustler's Anthem" by Busta Rhymes ft. T Pain. Lastly, I have a deep, passionate love for John Denver. My dad owns "John Denver's Greatest Hits" ( a three disc collection!), and I am guilty of frequently listening to all of it and singing along to most of it. I have so many more music guilty pleasures, basically because I have no shame when it comes to music. I just don't want you people to discredit me anymore than you already are.

Food: Well, I can't think of anything really too bad that I eat... my favorite thing ever is semi-sweet chocolate chips in a cup of milk. I eat it with a spoon, and it's fantastic cuz the chocolate is all hard and cold, and not dry! :D I guess another thing that I am actually embarrassed to admit is that my family likes Spam... a lot. I don't love it or anything, but I'll eat for breakfast it if it's cooked in a pan like bacon. Childhood memories, I guess? (Yeah, I know, judge me.)

Movies: Well, according to my sister, I have horrible taste in movies, and I don't exactly disagree with her. I'll watch mostly anything. However, I would say that Drive Me Crazy is definitely a guilty pleasure. Not only does it have a title derived from a Britney classic (I forgot to add that I love this one!), the acting's not that great, the plot is cliche, and it has an awkward ending. Regardless of all of this, Drive Me Crazy is one of my top five favorite movies ever. (Also, Adrian Grenier is incredibly hot in this movie.)

Books: Those of you who know me well know that I'm in love with Twilight. Don't ask me why: I know the writing's bad, and a lot of times Edward/Bella/Jacob are all incredibly creepy - what with wanting to suck each other's blood and having vampire babies and stalking into your girlfriend's bedroom and being a teenage werewolf...Still there's something about the series that has made me read it more than once and endure through the terrible movies. Another guilty pleasure of mine is the Confessions of Georgia Nicolsson series, or the "Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging" one. This series has absolutely no point and is about the most annoying fifteen-year-old girl in the world, but I read all 10 (yeah, TEN) books, and loved them. Don't ask me why, cuz I can't tell you.

Celebrities: I am a girl of many celebrity crushes, but I believe that most of them are in good taste. However, there are a few that I'll admit aren't attractive, but I still find them oddly hot. First of all, when I was younger, I had the biggest crush ever on Yu-Gi-Oh. Yep, a cartoon. I still think he's a little bit of a cutie, but don't worry, I don't want cartoon babies. The rest are all real people, I promise. Also carrying over from my childhood is a crush on Elijah Wood. I know he's really short and relatively unattractive, but there's just something about him, I don't know. Next is Matthew Broderick, but only in Ferris Beuller. He's not my type at all (I think he has a weird face and bad hair), but every time I watch the movie, I just want to jump on him! If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't enjoy the movie nearly as much. Lastly, is Nate Ruess, the singer of The Format and fun. I saw him live once, and there was just something oddly alluring about him. He has very charismatic stage presence and was also wearing a very cute striped cardigan. That could've been it, but I secretly think he's oddly attractive as well.

Clothes: I only have two clothes guilty pleasures: wearing black and navy together and pantyhose. One of the basic fashion rules is never wear black and navy together-you'll look like a bruise. However, I really like them together and wear them all the time (with reasonable moderation). I also REALLY love pantyhose. You know, the ugly tan things with control top that business people and grandmas wear constantly? I love them! I'm constantly wearing them under jeans or wearing them instead of socks. I think they're super comfortable, and they keep you really warm.

TV: I don't watch TV... like, ever. But, I guess I have a guilty pleasure in The Bachelor. I love The Bachelor, and didn't miss an episode last season. I guess my love for The Secret Life of the American Teenager is a very guilty pleasure. It's honestly a really crappy show, but I can't stop watching it, I haven't missed an episode of this either. Lastly, I have a deep, fiery passion for Sabrina. You know, that show from the '90's with Melissa Joan Hart? I will proudly admit I've seen every episode at least twice, and am on the lookout for all the seasons on DVD.


So now you know my deep, dark secrets and have full right to judge me. But, before you do, think of your own guilty pleasures. Yeah, you're not so innocent yourself, are you? ;)

The song of the blog (unofficially) has to be "Guilty Pleasure" by Cobra Starship. However, the song I really wanted to share with you is "On Your Porch" by The Format. Everything by them is fantastic, and they've been my music obsession this week, but this is definitely my favorite song by them. The lyrics are great, and I love anything acoustic (and don't forget my secret crush on Nate. I love his voice!)

I *heart* Sweden!

I promised Jonathan I would write a blog about this, despite his begging me not to disclose his lameness to the world. :) Last night I went with my good friend Jonathan and his family to a Swedish soup festival. I have obviously never been to one of these before (or known of their existence), but it was fun! When we walked in, the lady who was greeting everyone was like "Someone smells really good!" and looked at me and said "Hey! Who are you? I think it's you." I told her I was a friend of Jonathan's and she asked if she could smell me. I stood there while she smelled me, and it turns out I really do smell good. (Hahaha now I can say I don't fail at life!) We went into the soup festival, and it was full of old people! (Jonathan warned me beforehand of this, don't worry!) We ate bread and cheese and it was amazingly delicious! Mmm. :) Then we went to the plethora of soups, and we both tried this celery potato soup (Not very Swedish, I know), which was actually pretty good. In case you are wondering why we only ate one type of soup, after we had finished with our soup and were going to get more, the old people started a round of singing Swedish songs about spring, and we were slightly terrified to get up. There was this nice old lady sitting next to Jonathan who kept shushing us and butting into our conversations and scooting closer and closer to him. I was convinced she had a tiny crush on him! haha After the singing and a slideshow of this lady's trip to Sweden (I officially want to visit there now... it's amazingly beautiful!), we ate these super delicious pastries. It was sort of a giant cream puff with marzipan in the middle. Mmm. :) When Jonathan's brother, Spencer, tried to steal some of his cream, he covered Spencer's hand in cream, and this was sort of the start of a cream fight (which was kind of immature, but highly entertaining. I'm not judging! :D ) As we were leaving, Jonathan left me alone and his nice old girlfriend came and talked to me. This is, no joke, how our conversation went:

Her: Wow! You're a lot taller than I would've thought.
Me: Yeah...
Her: I mean, you almost look like a normal person when you're sitting down. Most of your height is below your waist huh?
Me: Yeah, I can barely see over the steering wheel, actually. I'm really short on top.
Her. (Feels my hip) Well, I used to teach modeling, and unusual proportions are kind of good.
Me: Uh, thanks...

It was very interesting... and it's nice to know that sometimes I look almost normal. They had a little Swedish store where you could buy food, so I bought some jelly rats (My sister has a particular liking towards rodents of the gummy candy variety), and Jonathan and his dad convinced me to buy this Swedish soda called JulMust. The jelly rats are okay, they really grow on you, and I just tried the soda. I didn't really like it... it kind of tastes like eggnog, except weirder... and soda. On the way home, I was talking about my general fear of hobos (I have good reason to fear them), and Jonathan's baby sister, Lily, joined into our conversation and said "I like hobos! Hobos are silly!" That made me laugh so hard! (Even though it has nothing to do with the Swedish, I thought I'd throw that story in here) So, while the Swedish soup festival was definitely interesting on all grounds, and certainly an unusual way to spend a Saturday night, I really liked it! I had fun, and I love getting new cultural experiences, so that was cool. (Plus, how many people can say they've been to a Swedish soup festival?! :D)

The song of the blog is "When I'm Gone" by Eminem, because it was stuck in my head during the entire festival. This was mostly due to the fact that it has the line "But baby we're in Sweden! How did you get to Sweden?" This is also my favorite Eminem song of all time. (Yes, I have a really intense secret love of Eminem, don't judge me!) Well, I'm off to do my French project, so goodbye for now! <3

My Beauty TIps!

I thought I would share some of my beauty tips and tricks with you fine people. I'm not an expert or anything, (obviously) but I do have a few effective secrets to keep me looking semi-decent. :)

1. Let your hair air-dry as much as possible. Your hair will love you for it. :)
2. Dry-end serum and shine spray work miracles!
3. Good posture is the number one way to automatically look better. Nobody likes a hunchback.
4. Eyeshadow brushes are a good investment.
5. If your hair is feeling dry, condition it twice in the shower.
6. Wearing clothes that acutally look good on you is so much better than buying your clothes for vanity sizing. (Buying a smaller size because you don't want to admit you need a bigger size)
7. There are very few circumstances when brown and black can be worn at the same time.
8. Doing a steam treatment on your face (holding your face over steaming water for 10 minutes, washing, and rinsing with icy water) like once a month does wonders for your complexion.
9. Wash, tone, and moisturize twice a day. :)
10. You don't have to have your entire body hanging out of your clothes to be sexy.
11. Walking in heels should feel like walking in any other shoes. It should be comfortable. (If you are having trouble waking in heels, refer to tip 3)
12. Brushing your teeth with baking soda about once a month really does make them whiter.
13. Blush automatically makes your face look more defined if done right.
14. Mousse foundation is incredible!
15. Confidence is key to looking good. If you don't believe you're great, nobody else will.
16. Wear what you want, despite what people say. If you like it and feel hot in it, more power to you! Dressing yourself is a form of self-expression and should be fun. :)
17.Liquid eyeliner on your top eyelid, and only the outer corner of your bottom lashes really makes your eyes pop!
18. Dark red nail polish is not only classic, but makes your fingers look really long and slender.
19. Choose a perfume that expresses what kind of a person you are. Also, please don't wear too much... :)
20. Being daring with your look once in awhile is worth it.
21. If you want to wear lipstick, but don't want to look like your mom, put a little bit of clear lipgloss on top. (If you want color, but not as bold as lipstick, go for a really bright colored lipgloss)
22. Always buy sunglasses and get haircuts that suit your face shape.
23. Buy clothes that acutally work for your body type. Everyone has their fantastic features, why not accentuate them?
24. Get educated about cool and warm makeup colors. It will change your life!
25. The most important thing about looking/feeling good is knowing who you are.
26. Strawberry ChapStick should be your best friend.
27. Your smile only looks dorkier if you are self-conscious about it.
28. Not all trends are trends because they look good, unfortunately.
29. God took a lot of time to create you the way you are, so don't hate on yourself. :)
30. Everybody looks better when they wear mascara... it's a fact.


And now for the song of the blog... "Annie" by Safetysuit. If you have not heard this song, please please please go listen to it. It will change your life with its cuteness. It's definitely on my top ten favorite songs of all time. <3

March 22 Resolutions

Hello blog readers! Life is fantastic! Or, as my dad likes to say, the situation I'm in really really sucks, but life is absolutely beautiful. C'est vrai- it is possible to be joyously happy even if life decides to be a little beezy. Or a big beezy... Proof: I am eating dino nuggets right now. I firmly believe dino nuggets could bring world peace... except, maybe we'd have to make vegetarian dino nuggets too. (And anyone who takes offense at eating things shaped like dinosaurs...they can just not be a part of world peace.) I am also a firm believer in making resolutions any day of the year they're needed. As I've been doing some self-reflection (a LOT of it, actually), I've realized the things that cause me to feel like crap and the things that make me feel like I've just won a lifetime supply of dino nuggets. (With honey, of course. :D) So today, March 22, (I thought it was the 21 till just barely. I marked all my papers at school wrong. Oops!) I am going to make some resolutions to help me have a better life. :)

I resolve to drink more water and eat more fruit.
I resolve to not let my emotions control my life.
I resolve to be a less-stressed person.
I resolve to spend more time being creative. (AKA writing music)
I resolve to be a better friend.
I resolve to waste less time. (I'm not counting my blog as a waste of time, don't worry. I know how you'd all be distraught if I quit. ;D)
I resolve to be better at saving money.
I resolve to avoid drama as best as I can. (AKA the male gender)


So there you have it- my March 22 resolutions! I encourage you all to make some as well, because who doesn't benefit from a little self-reflection and goal setting? It'll do ya good, I promise! :D

The band of the blog for today is The Brobecks. They're a local band, and actually toured with Panic At the Disco last year. It was love at first listen for me. I heard "Love at First Sight" late at night on the radio once, and have fallen head over heels for this band. Just a warning though: they're not for everyone. They're a bit dark and very eccentric. I think if I had to specifically define them, I'd say goth pop... (if you're a genre nazi, please don't hate me. I'm not that strict when it comes to classifying music) Some songs I recommend are "Love at First Sight", "2nd Boys Will Be 1st Choice", "Small Cuts", and "Goodnight Socialite". I hope you are all having a fantastic day! Thanks for reading, it makes my life. :)