This is What Goodbye Feels Like

So I'm working on a new song, and I thought it might be a good idea to post the lyrics, maybe get some feedback. (Haha nobody reads my blog so it's kind of pointless) But anyways, here's a song I've been working on for about a month. I'm actually kind of proud of myself, but feel free to inform me of any cheesiness/tackiness/suckiness. :) Also, I don't really like the title I chose...Just to be clear, part of this is feelings I've felt, part of it isn't. And no, it's not about anybody/anything in particular.


This is What Goodbye Feels Like

The sun in my face
Pachuca Sunrise in my ear
I can't help but to think of you
But there's snow on the ground
And you've gone away
Honestly, I don't think you even cared at all

Things have changed
You left me to find a new star
But here I stand
Alone and afraid in the dark

So, this is goodbye
I never imagined I could feel like this
There's anger flowing from my lips
With each word I sing
My heart's breaking in two
Your cliched words run through my mind
And bring these cliche tears that I cry

I've said my goodbyes
But I didn't mean them
The unsaid words are screaming in my head
The silence from you
Makes my heart beat heavy
I tell myself I'll be just fine alone

Things have changed
You left me to find a new star
But here I stand
Alone and afraid in the dark

So, this is goodbye
I never imagined I could feel like this
There's anger flowing from my lips
With each word I sing
My heart's breaking in two
Your cliched words run through my mind
And bring these cliche tears that I cry

Will you remember me
Now your life here is through?
Will you look back on old memories
As lovers do?
I'll hold those sweet words you said to me
Deep in my heart
And hope that you will use my songs
To guide you through the dark
We fought and we cried
We tried and we tried
This is all that's left to do
Even though I'm still in love with you

So, this is goodbye
So, this is goodbye
I never imagined I could feel like this
There's anger flowing from my lips
With each word I sing
My heart's breaking in two
Your cliched words run through my mind
And bring these cliche tears that I cry

The sun in my face
Pachuca Sunrise in my ear
I can't help but to think of you

So yep, that's my current project! Let me know what you think! :D

A Vintage Life is the Life for Me

Those of you who know me well will probably agree that I am somewhat of an old-fashioned soul. I believe in having fun without drinking, drugs, or sex. I don't believe in kissing on the first date, and I believe boys should still "pin" girls and ask them to go steady. Heck, I want my wedding dress to be made with vintage lace! And look at my blog! It's Breakfast at Tiffany's (my favorite movie of all time) themed! If I could have one wish, it would probably be to have a time machine so that I could go back and live in the 1950's. I'm just in love with the world that used to be. The innocence of the 50's, the nastalgia of the 60's, the radical artistic ideals of the 70's, they're all so appealing to me. I can't describe to you how much I have always wanted to wear a poodle skirt and get a malt after school or wear a pair of bell-bottomed pants. There's just something so appealing about the way the world used to be- before terrorists and fast food, before traffic jams and rap music. Everything used to be so beautiful and "homey". I would've given my left arm to go to Woodstock, and there were no mosh pits or "hardcore dancing". It was all about the music (well, and the pot... lol) I'm not a huge fan of TV, but shows like Laverne and Shirley, I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, and Happy Days are my absolute favorites! I think it would be great to live in a world where the most obscene thing on television was Elvis shaking his pelvis, instead of all of the ridiculous crap that we think is acceptable nowadays. I'm not saying that these days we're living in Soddom and Gommorha or that previous decades were pristine. I know there is so much crap that happens today that happened 50 years ago. However, it didn't used to be so in-your-face. Today's life consists of constantly being bombarded by materialism, and loveless relationships, and drugs, and dishonesty. I think today's society has kind of forgotten how to enjoy the simple things that make life great. The simplicity of life in the past is what makes it so appealing to me. Ha ha I started this blog to say how cool I think living with a musician and buying vintage second-hand furniture and clothes would be, and it turned into political commentary. Oops!

Well, yes, I wish I could live in the past. Maybe I will eventually work up the courage to wear vintage sundresses and wear red lipstick on a regular basis. Maybe I'll eventually find someone who will ask my dad if it's okay that he dates me and "pins" me and acts like an all-around gentleman. Maybe someday, after I'm married in my beautiful lace dress, we'll begin our vintage, slow-paced life together in this fast-paced, ugly world. I'd be perfectly happy with that. Not saying that I don't enjoy this time that I'm blessed to live in, but why not have a little of both? :)

The song for this blog is "Hollywood" by Cute Is What We Aim For. I think it represents this blog pretty well. Or I guess I should go with "Danke Shoen" by Wayne Newton for something a little bit older. :)

NEO PI-R

So I'd just like to start off by saying that I'm doing fantastically at this blogging thing! I'm quite proud of myself for keeping up on this. Today I thought I'd post my results for the NEO PI-R, which if you don't know, is a personality test. It gives you a score on five personality super traits (Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism) and gives scores to six more specific traits for each super trait.

Here's what I got:

Openness: 25
Fantasy: High
Aesthetics: Very High
Feelings: Very High (the highest score you can get)
Actions: High
Ideas: High
Values: Low

Extraversion: 21
Warmth: High
Gregariousness: Low
Assertiveness: Very High
Activity: Low
Excitement-Seeking: Very Low
Positive Emotions: High

Neroticism: 20
Anxiety: Very High
Angry Hostility: Average
Depression: High
Self-Consciousness: Low
Impulsiveness: Average
Vulnerability: Very High

Agreeableness: 18
Trust: Low
Straightforwardness: Low
Altruism: Average
Compliance: Average
Modesty: Very Low (My lowest score)
Tender-Mindedness: Very High

Conscientiousness: 17
Competence: Average
Order: Low
Dutifulness: Low
Achievement Striving: Average
Self-Discipline: Low
Deliberation: High


So yep, that's me in scientific terms, I guess. Now that I look at this, I realize I'm kind of crazy, lol, but I guess everyone's a little crazy, right?

The song of the blog for today is "Elektra's Complex" by LUDO because we talked about the Electra complex in Psychology the other day, and so it kind of relates. :) Nonetheless, it's a great song!

Andrew McMahon- The Legend!

For those of you who either don't know me or don't listen to a word I say, you should know that I am absolutely obsessed with Andrew McMahon! He fronted the band Something Corporate (who is doing a show in Anaheim March 27! :D) until 2004. He then started the band Jack's Mannequin and was set to begin touring in 2005, until he was diagnosed with leukemia. He has now made a full recovery thanks to a marrow donation from his sister, and has put out two albums with Jack's. (Everything in Transit and The Glass Passenger) I found out last night that he is working on a third album right now, and I am incredibly excited! Andrew is my hero to put it simply. He was blessed with incredible songwriting talent, but even more inspiring is the pure passion he has for music. Every time I watch one of his in-studio performances I want to go lock myself in a cabin in the middle of nowhere for a month and just write music on my piano.

You may be wondering why I am telling you about my hero, well, other than to persuade you to love him and embrace his incredible music... Well, I had the opportunity to see him in concert last night, and it was AMAZING! A friend of mine told me that I should not be so excited for this concert, and that I was setting my hopes way too high and would only be disappointed. However, I didn't listen and stayed true to my faith in Andrew, and let me tell you, he DEFINITELY exceeded my incredibly high expectations! Vedera and fun. opened for Jack's Mannequin, and they didn't disappoint either. I had never heard either band before, but as soon as the singer sang her first note, I completely fell in love with Vedera. In fact, I'm listening to their album "Stages" right now! :) fun. was a really good show... or would've been except for the fact that the crowd had started a giant pushing war, and everyone was crammed into everyone else and it was highly uncomfortable. Also, Katie got sick, so we had to sit most of this set out. (I was kind of okay with it) fun. and their dedicated fans had energy to spare, and it was well, a lot of fun (lol). I think their music might have possibly been a little too fun for me though. We were determined that we were going to see Jack's Mannequin, so after making sure Katie wasn't dying anymore, we made our way through the crowd. I was so proud of myself; I pushed us all the way to the front. (We were like, four rows from the front! :D) I think I honestly had the best spot in the whole house. I got separated from Katie and Ariel, but I ended up exactly in the center, right in front of the stage, with the perfect view of Andrew. I will say that, hands down, seeing Jack's Mannequin was the most amazing concert experience of my life! I have never seen anybody rock as hard as Andrew McMahon (and I've been to some pretty intense shows). He was completely drenched in sweat by the end of the show... from playing his piano! Honestly, I don't think it's possible for another human being to make the piano look as attractive as he does. And if Andrew's energy wasn't enough to make a person's life complete, the audience was absolutely incredible! We were all completely drenched in sweat and cramped and uncomfortable, but everybody was full of energy and complete admiration for Andrew's work. I don't think I will ever experience excitement like when he played "Dark Blue" and the entire audience was singing along at the top of their lungs and jumping up and down again in my life! Don't be fooled into thinking that this show was just a fun experience. It was also an incredible musical experience. Like I said, Andrew has this indescribable passion for his music. When he played "Hammers and Strings" I basically died, and when he sang a reworked version of "Swim", almost everyone was silent. Everyone was absolutely in awe watching him sing what is quite possibly the most touching song ever! They also did a cover of U2's "New Year's Day". Normally, I would be hesitant about a U2 cover... they're basically God and should be left alone, but I absolutely loved Jack's Mannequin's cover! It was completely their own, and was definately not a cheap rendition of the U2 version. Andrew was completely friendly and easygoing, and I can't wait for the day when I meet him in person. I even saw his tattoos in real life, which I was incredibly excited about, because I've always really liked the ones he has on his forearms. (Wow, I'm kind of sounding like a stalker, but I promise I'm not! Even though I did scream "I love you Andrew!" four or five times)

Anyways, that is my experience of seeing my hero Andrew McMahon live in concert with his band Jack's Mannequin. I definitely hope to experience it again soon, and if I got my wish, I'd just spend a whole day watching him in a private session or something.

My friend Jonathan suggested that I tell a joke in each blog I post. So this is my favorite corny joke: "Why do sharks swim in salt water?" "Because the pepper water makes them sneeze!"

And finally, for the song(s) of the blog! "Hammers and Strings"-Jack's Mannequin, "Loving Ghosts"-Vedera, "Satisfy"-Vedera, "Worlds Apart"-Vedera, "Forgive You"-Vedera, "The Gambler-fun. Go give them a listen! :D

Pondering the Mysteries of Life

Hello! I have some random (but hopefully insightful) thoughts to share today. Lately, I've noticed that certain things that have happened in my life have become the center of it; controlling my emotions and thoughts, and sometimes making me just plain miserable. Today I noticed a change: I didn't let those thoughts get to me. I've accepted things as the way they are, and you know what? Today was one of the greatest days I've had in awhile. It's not because anything particularly exciting has happened - trust me, it's been a pretty uneventful day. I just let myself concentrate on those things that are important to me: my friends, my family, my music, my faith. I think a lot of times we all lose sight of who we really are and what really matters to us and get hung up on things that are only detrimental to us in the long run. We focus on how our lives are sub-par and what could've been instead of living our lives and making our own "what is"... if that makes sense. Reminscing and daydreaming often interfere with our living and enjoying reality. So, I'm resolving today to put a greater importance on those things that make me truly happy; not just the "me" that people perceive, or the "me" of the week, but the "me" that has been and always will be a part of myself. Things like constantly striving to be a more honest person, a kinder person, a smarter and more thoughtful person. Things like being a good friend, a righteous member of the church, a pleasant member of my family. Things like enjoying the little things in life, playing my piano and singing along, or having an adventure simply for the sake of having an adventure. I sincerely believe that a person can be happy regardless of their circumstance with the right mindset. Life is beautiful and shouldn't be wasted on thoughts of "what if". It shouldn't be spent trying to please others and fill their expectations of what you should be, but should be spent finding yourself and doing those things that sincerely bring you peace and happiness. I think the hardest part of life for most people is simply letting go and moving on. Those people who master this "art" are those who are the happiest and live the fullest lives. I hope to become one of these people someday. So those are my thoughts for the day, even though they sound incredibly like an exerpt from a cheesey self-help book. (ha ha)I hope you enjoyed them! :)

Hmm... I can't really think of a song for this blog (well, I can, but I don't want any of them), so can I just include a whole genre? Well, it's my blog, so I guess I'll do whatever I want! Folk is my "genre of the blog" for today. :) I love how eclectic and just thoughtful Folk can be. I love the peaceful, yet energetic acoustic sound, as well as the obscure instruments that can be used in this genre. Today I fell in love with Jaymay and The Fruitbats again. They're incredible, give them a listen!:)

Welcome to My Blog!

So today my friend Sorine and I were hanging out, and we looked through this book of 101 Things To Do Before You Graduate that we have been working on since the beginning of our senior year. We decided it was time for us to determine what we still have left to do in the next four months. Among all of the things we haven't done, one was "Become involved in journalism". Sorine is the editor of her school newspaper, but I on the other hand, have absolutely no interest in getting involved in journalism. So, we decided that I could just start a blog instead. I have absolutely no clue what the point of this blog is going to be yet, so if you're reading this, I would greatly appreciate suggestions. This will definitely be an adventure!

I guess I might as well tell you what else was on the list of things I still have to do before I graduate. Maybe some of you can even help me cross some of them off! :D

Things I Need to do Before Graduation!

Make exercise a habit

Tell a teacher "Thanks, you made me think!"

Welcome mornings

Don't drink soda

Play flashlight tag

Make a hot air balloon and put a message in it.

Go cosmic bowling

Eat ice cream for breakfast (must be done with Sorine)

Temporarily dye my hair

Fill someone's room with balloons

Plant a flower

Conduct a clothing inventory

Go on a blind date with no expectations

Plan a graduation vacation

Take advantage of extra credit

Learn self defense

Walk to class a different way

Reward myself each week

Make a playlist of my senior year

Make an address book

Open a savings account

Stay up all night and talk

Become a filmmaker

Start a blog (x)

Watch Casa Blanca (with Sorine)

Have an all-chocolate day (February 12)

Have a picnic (with Sorine)

Become a secret admirer

Be "all there"

Have a late night snack buffet

Watch the sunrise

Howl at the moon

Make a treasure map (possibly place inside hot air balloon)

Read the entire Book of Mormon

This is quite a long list of things to accomplish in four months, but I want to do it! I think it'll be super fun, and at least I have a lot less than 101 things left to do.

One of the things we crossed off on the list today was "try every flavor of jelly bean and share some". Jelly beans are my absolute favorite candy ever, but Sorine absolutely hates them due to a traumatic childhood experience. We made a trip to WinCo (which we seem to be doing a lot lately) because they have quite an extensive selection of jelly beans, and while we were there the power went out, and it was pretty scary. Luckily we were on our way out when it happened. However, the traffic light was out, so we had to take a detour home, which turned out to be exciting. We saw a guy walking a camel on the side of the road! A camel! It basically made my whole day. When we got home, we had to face the plethora of flavors before us. Some of them were not so bad, and some were delicious. There were some (Dark blue soap, light blue soap, black licorice, light coffee, extra strong coffee, laughing gas banana, window cleaner, and pee) that were absolutely disgusting! We made sure to stock up on those flavors to share with people we don't like (lol)! I am very glad I had Sorine there for support, and I'm pretty sure she is glad she had me for support, or we would've never made it through all of the flavors. I'm so glad we are friends and can do stupid things like eating pee flavored jelly beans together. :)

Also, I am very excited for The Bachelor tonight, it's the top 6! (:D) Maybe I should start a blog about The Bachelor? I have a lot to discuss (like how annoying Aly is! Ugh!)

I guess I should have a song of the blog. I'm listening to my sister's music, and I don't really have a particular song that describes today (unless anyone knows a song about jelly beans). So I'm going to go with "The Horror of Our Love" by LUDO because it's been stuck in my head all day and I haven't listened to it in forever, and it just barely came on, so it must be a sign or something. I'm not going to get started about how great this song is (maybe I should start a music blog?), so I'm going to end this now. I hope that if anyone is reading this it's enjoyable, and any suggestions would be amazing and I will love you forever! Have fun! :D